i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't deserve a penis
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
