so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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