This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i can't believe i had my finger in that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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