I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
