So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
