I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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