I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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