The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
