please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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