If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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