She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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