I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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