Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
