Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize