sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My balls are so social today.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
