I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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