I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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