So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
