just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
