Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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