Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
