the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
