I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
