So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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