hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize