Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
