College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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