a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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