Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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