$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
