I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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