We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
