Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
