I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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