Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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