does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
