just come out here and I will go home with you...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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