College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
