She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
