Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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