I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
