dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
