Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
