i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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