please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
