another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
