whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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