My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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