hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
