Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize