the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
