My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
