im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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