Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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