i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
