I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
