My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
