btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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