I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
