i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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