some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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