I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
