You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
