Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
