The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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