Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
