I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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