Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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