Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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