so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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