do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
