you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
