Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
