hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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