We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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