It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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