I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
