I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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