a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
