My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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