Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
