Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
