I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize