Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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