Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
