Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my poor anus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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