Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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