Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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