I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's shark week go big or go home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize