I'm really into asian looking animals
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
