Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
