We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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