At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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