If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
