no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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