my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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