I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
