But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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