A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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