Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
