You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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