remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
