Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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